Converting Novels to Screenplays

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Time and Page Constraints

How many times have we heard the comment, “The book was a lot better?” Well, there are some good reasons for that. Writing for the movie industry takes a different set of writing tools and constraints. The word “constraints” is the primary key.

The rule of thumb for a screenplay is that one page is equal to one minute of movie time. Most movies fall into time lengths of 90 to 250 minutes with 120 minutes being the standard target length. Now, compare that constraint to the length of most novels, which range from 250 to 750 pages and even longer for some. How does one cut the novel length down to the screenplay time constraints and still communicate the essence of the novel? I will answer that question, but first here are some other considerations.

Different Writing Style

Screenplays are written in third person and present tense. If you think you can just change your novel into those style requirements, you will find that is a laborious task at best. I have written two screenplays based on novels. It is a time consuming task. It is so easy to miss changing all the verb forms and tense forms in almost every sentence. It really takes attention to detail. You have a choice of whether to make all those changes to the whole book and then determine what will be cut or remain or vice versa. I feel in the long run it’s safer to make the style changes first and then make the cuts, but you may prefer to do it the other way—whatever works best for you.

Critically Important Considerations

Movies are primarily a visual media. This makes showing rather than telling absolutely essential. Dialog must be kept short—no long expository speeches or explanations. Action is king. There should be no off-camera explanations by a 3rd party narrator. Conditions, settings, and motives must be shown by what the actors do and say. Back story should be kept to a minimum. A very brief visual flashback might be appropriate if it is essential to the story’s development. For example: a novel might explain the reason why a woman develops a hatred for all men with page after page of action discussing sexual abuse by a father or brother. In the movie version, there might be a 20 to 30 second flashback showing an abuse scene to explain the reason why the woman hates men. Showing is hyper-critical. Telling takes too long and is boring.

Cutting Down the Novel

The primary guidelines or criteria for making cuts are:

  • If something doesn’t move the storyline along, get rid of it
  • Be brutal about which characters are essential and which are not
  • Dialog should be kept short
  • Action must be the primary communication means used by the writer
  • Remember, keep the screenplay as visual as possible.

When I turned my first mystery into a screen play, I actually had to totally eliminate or reduce a few nonessential characters. I saw the same thing happen in the movie version of Stephanie Myers second novel. The wheelchair-bound Indian father of one of the werewolf boys had many pages of dialog in the book and numerous mentions of him by other characters. In the movie he got about 30 seconds of movie time. If a character or scene is not essential to the story, get out the editorial knife.

Remember showing vs telling is even more critical in a screenplay than in the book version. Keep it short but powerful.

The Bottom Line

Movies are far more expensive to produce than novels. Whereas a major publisher may invest several tens to hundreds of thousands of dollars in a book, A movie production will require tens of millions of dollars. Unless it’s a major studio with very deep pockets, the production company often will have to find major investors willing to take a chance on the movie’s likelihood of returning the investment plus a sizable profit. A small, independent production company has accepted four of my screenplays; however, they have not been able to find enough willing investors to fund the movies. Being accepted, even if there has been no contract or upfront money, is gratifying, but it won’t buy any groceries. Most production companies prefer to use materials by previously successful screenwriters to minimize the risk to their bottom line. That is why it is so difficult to break into the business. Another factor that raises a barrier against writers is age. Many production companies believe only young writers can connect and communicate with younger target audiences—a major ageism factor.

Screenplay Formats

There is a very strict and detailed set of formatting requirements for screenplays. Don’t even try to write your screenplay in Word! There are too many possibilities for format errors. Use an established screenplay formatting software package. I have used several in the past and have found “Final Draft” to be my preferred program. Dramatica is another good company.

Final Consideration

Still, despite the barriers, cutting a novel down to screenplay length is definitely a worthwhile endeavor. You will learn so much about your writing and your work from this translation process that it becomes a wonderful self-education exercise. If nothing else, you will gain an appreciation for the screenwriters and their process. It will also provide you with new eyes when watching movies, knowing what goes into producing a screenplay. Remember, most movies are built upon screenplay that have ultimately been produced by the the consensus of committees. That is another reason many why so many movies don’t live up to their novels. Still, it is a worthy exercise to try just to improve your writing game.

 

This is a cross-posting from Bob Spear‘s Book Trends blog.

Web Presence Checklist

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This post, from Muriel Lede, originally appeared on her site on 7/14/10 and is reprinted here in its entirety with her permission.

 You’ve spent months, perhaps years, writing your book. Did you do so for it to die in obscurity? Why then does its web presence reach no beyond the Lulu Marketplace? Why then doesn’t it even show up upon typing its title on Google? Why then does its Amazon’s sales rank sag below the 4 millionth mark? If that sounds anything like you, keep reading, for I’m about to list all those opportunities to broadcast your title and reach your target audience that you’re missing out on. To the extent that they’re inexpensive, easy, and of course applicable to your book, you have no excuse not to implement them.

Let’s begin with the bleeding obvious—alas so often neglected!—and progress toward the more forgivable omissions:

  • Website

    I mean a real website, with its own domain name and all. These days web space has become inexpensive enough for pretty much any author to afford; I recomment the likes of FatCow and JustHost, that offer unlimited storage and bandwidth, plus a free domain name. But then, even without considering this variable, how many books out there don’t have their own dedicated webpage, paid for or otherwise? How do you expect prospective customers to take you seriously if you don’t even bother to make one?

    Tip: If you pay full price for web hosting, you’re a fool. I suggest you first track down referral links to the provider you’re targeting, which often grant rebates up to 50%. You can do even better than that: start filling out the form until you’ve got an actual quote and reach the payment section, then drop out of it and wait. Chances are, you’ll receive within hours an email offering you an additional discount, no kidding!

    Implementing a webpage is easier than you might think. Anybody can learn basic HTML in a day or two, or ask someone they know to format their contents for them. You don’t know what to say on that webpage? How about putting your title information and book cover, for starters? My own website you can use for inspiration. It’s single-page, with two columns: one for the title information, the other for my sales pitch. A book website doesn’t need to be fancy, nor to have lots of graphics; a minimalistic design might actually work better than a complex website, so forget about Flash and fancy animations that take forever to load. All that matters is that you put your title information, blurb, book cover, and a link to where to buy it. Anything else is unnecessary, and might even be in excess.

  • Blog

    Same as above, except this time it’s totally free, or at least does not incur any additional expense, as you can host it on your own website; I recommend installing WordPress for that purpose, which is both infinitely customizable and very user-friendly. You don’t know what to write on that blog? Let’s start with an announcement for your book, with a link to your website or wherever it can be purchased. Even if you were to abandon your blog after that one post (what I sure hope you won’t do!), that would at the very least help improving your website’s page rank a little. Need more ideas? Think about what makes you or your book interesting, or your target audience’s interests, and write about that. I sure hope your book is interesting, and that you do have a target audience.

    These days, a blog is so pivotal to an author’s marketing strategy that it’s worth spending some time customizing, with links, polls, widgets, and the like; see Facebook, Goodreads, or BookBuzzr for ideas. Don’t hesitate to crowd the sidebar all the way to the bottom. Running out of ideas? Post links to other blogs, and propose that they link back to yours!

  • Author email and signature

    Once again it’s free, while you won’t go very far without one; it’s required to subscribe to pretty much anything. Did you set up your email signature? That’s an opportunity to post a link to your website or blog with every message you send, without additional effort! Keep it subtle and no one will complain. Better still: link to your blog instead of your book’s website, so it doesn’t look like an ad.

  • Announcing on forums and mailing lists

    Did you know that many forums have a section dedicated for authors to spam on? You believe no one reads them? Think again. Besides, even if that held true, it remains another opportunity for increasing your website’s page rank. Arguably the most prominent is AbsoluteWrite’s Announcements, Events, and Self-Promotion forum. You should also search Amazon’s forums for active threads on which to make such an announcement, like these, listed by genre.

    Then there are mailing lists, mostly Yahoo! groups. In my sphere of writing, the largest such list is LoveRomancesCafe, which holds Promo Mondays dedicated for recent releases announcements and excerpts.

    No really, there are places begging to be spammed—so to speak—and readers will thank you for it.

  • Social networking

    I would classify such networks in two categories, for the purpose of this article. One is generic networks, like MySpace, Facebook, and Twitter. The above applies to those: even if you were to treat them as mere parking lots, you’re better off occupying them than leaving them vacant. It’s easy, it’s free, it helps driving traffic to your website, and it makes you look professional.

    Tip: Are you a woman? Make sure to flag yourself as single and looking for a relationship. I guarantee that swarms of men will mysteriously stumble upon your profile.

    More interesting is the second category, those meant for readers, like Goodreads, LibraryThing, and Shelfari; Goodreads in particular, as you’ll see throughout the rest of this article, is a must. It offers widgets you can put onto your blog to list your most recent reads, apps to crosspost these to your other social networking pages, book preview hosting, giveaways, etc. while its features list keeps expanding. To be fair, LibraryThing isn’t far behind, although free accounts have a cap on the number of books you can list.

    Tip: Spend some time thinking of a good-looking user name (or pen name) and designing eye-catching avatars. You want to draw attention to your posts, or they might drown in a sea of comments, especially on high-volume threads. Can’t produce an eye-catching avatar? Use your book cover then!

    In both cases, social networking is all about making friends, so don’t be shy and make requests. You don’t know whom to friend? How about the people you already get along with on blogs and threads? The larger your list of friends, the better, because it makes you look big to strangers discovering your profile.

  • Author pages

    Some websites allow for authors to post biographies and promotional material. One is Amazon’s Author Central, while another is Goodreads’ Author Program. Even if you post only your picture and a short bio, it already helps convincing readers that you’re not a nobody; they might even have the perception that only successful authors have one! Never mind the fact that they’re free and easy to set up. Also, both pages not only provide authors with a blog, then even allow to synchronize with your existing blog! It amounts to automatically cross-posting on both Amazon and Goodreads.

    You can also become a LibraryThing Author, to unlock a significant portion of the above two’s functionalities on their website, only you have to write them a request by email. It has a feature that sets it apart though, for it provides a Hobnob with Authors page where book sollicitation is encouraged.

    Among websites meant specifically for authors, there is AuthorsDen, the largest of its kind and offering the widest array of features—but also the most expensive featurewise. Red Room also grants author pages, although only to those among self-publishers that already made significant achievements; still, a premium membership grants you the right to advertise your book on their website at will, which could nonetheless make it an interesting platform for promotion.

    Tip: Make sure to write down your bio at the third person, as in the following example. Not only does it look more formal, it suggests you’re important enough for someone else to have written it! It’s all about perception.

  • Title information submission

    That one can make a huge difference, although they’re limited to publishers. When a title surfaces on an online store such as Amazon, it’s pretty much naked. There might be a cover, a one-paragraph blurb, and a Buy button, but that’s about it. Did you know you can customize your title’s page on some of those stores? Amazon has a Books Content Update Form, which you can use to upload a formatted description, a table of contents, reviews, etc., and also the Search Inside The Book Program. Regarding the latter: when is last time you purchased a book you couldn’t browse, whether in a brick-and-mortar store or online? It has the potential to boost sales tremendously. Barnes & Noble also provides means for publishers to submit contents, including scans of interior pages. Then there’s also Google Books, so obvious yet so easily forgotten!

    Tip: Did you rate your own title? A five-stars rating, even if it’s propped up by only one vote, draws far more attention than no rating, or even a lower rating from many votes. Unethical? No more than a candidate for office voting for himself on election day. Also, make sure to tag your title according to its contents.

  • Book reviews

    Nothing boosts sales like book reviews, especially favorable ones—but even caustic ones are better than none; the worst review is no review. How about giving it a try? One easily overlooked avenue is Independent Publisher’s Highlighted Titles, which amounts to a seal of approval from a major publication. Then there are blogs that focus on POD titles, such as POD Book Reviews & More, POD People, Self-Publishing Review, The LL Book Review, and The New Podler Review of Books. Feel more ambitious? If your book could pass for a small electronic publisher’s, you could try your luck with more mainstream blogs. You don’t think you’ll be accepted? The worst thing that can happen is that you receive a polite rejection.

    Warning: Avoid paid review services like the plague! Not only are the likes of Kirkus Discoveries a waste of money, most have such a bad reputation that a “review” from them might turn off potential customers at first glance!

    Tip: Should you get glowing reviews, post snippets of these on your website and blog for all to view! If you don’t brag on your own website upon receiving praise from strangers, where and when will you?

    While we’re at it: there’s nothing to stop you from commenting on any of the above blogs and beyond. If anything, that contributes to spreading your name even further and building your reputation. Plus, many blogs allow for a link to your website with every post you make! Once again this helps improving your website’s page rank, to the point that link spammers track down WordPress blogs and mechanically comment on them for that single purpose. Of course you’re not spamming, as long as you’re contributing to the conversation.

  • Contributed articles

    There are several blogs and websites out there to which you can contribute your own articles. There is no better way to build your reputation than to provide authoritative advice on a popular blog. As a bonus, this constitutes yet another opportunity to post a link to your website. You think this is link spamming in disguise? You’re totally right, and this is precisely the attitude you should be having, never to miss an opportunity to plaster your name and a link to your website wherever you can. As long as you post something pertinent and useful along with it, not only will you get away with it, readers will even thank you for it! Especially if it saves them money and weeks of research.

    Registered Self-Publishing Review and Publetariat users can post blog entries, which may end up promoted to the main page. Some other blogs, such as POD, Self Publishing and Independent Publishing, also are open to article submissions.

    The following articles detail how to post at ezinearticles.com:

     

Then there is the optional, but still worth considering:

  • Contests:

    These are long shots, but could give your book tremendous visibility should it be selected even among the finalists. Two reputable contests immediately come to mind: one is the Independent Publisher Book Awards, better known as IPPY, the other is the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award or ABNA, the latter which I advise to enter as early as possible since each category allows only up to 5000 entries. Yet another would be the Writer’s Digest International Self-Published Book Awards.

    Warning: Star clear of “vanity” contests, like those charging exorbitant entry fees or those that guarantee an award to all entrants. In doubt, consult Writer Beware.

  • Book trailers:

    It’s just as possible for a self-publisher with next to zero budget to produce a decent book trailer than it is for LucasFilm to produce a 112 million dollars lemon. Money has little to do with it, it’s more a matter of skill and creativity. And then, there are two undeniable advantages to making a book trailer: you can post it on Youtube, which millions browse while eating breakfast; while it can ironically make your book look like it’s a big budget title, to the extent that it’s good enough and that viewers believe only big-budget titles have one. Smoke and mirrors? In this business, perception is everything.

    A good starting point: 43 Book Trailer Sites to Inspire, Instruct, and Share. You will probably need iStockphoto, both the best and the cheapest among stock pictures websites; indeed, most others either are outrageously expensive or set unacceptable restrictions on how to use their contents. Once you’re done, you can upload it to your Facebook, Myspace, and Goodreads profiles, to AuthorsDen (requires Gold membership) and Redroom, to Amazon (through Author Central), and also to book trailer websites such as BlazingTrailers, PreviewTheBook, LiveWriters, TrailerSpy, and Metacafe, in addition to regular video sites such as Youtube, Yahoo! Video, Vimeo, and Revver, and also to blogs like Rate My Book Video!. Not only will most of the aforementioned link back to your website, thus improving its—well, you get the picture—but some even enrolled into Amazon Associates and will help you sell your book through their own website! You can also promote it on Goodreads’ Book Trailers ™ & Author Web Sites group.

  • Paid advertisement:

    This one is controversial. You will be told that it’s not worth it, especially for a self-publisher. But then did you sit down and actually calculate how much an ad would cost you versus how much you expect to earn in increased sales? You might decide against it. You might not be able to afford it. But you have no excuse for not considering it. Publishing is a business, and businesses advertize. The successful ones, anyway.

    Among affordable options, there are Google AdWords, Yahoo! Sponsored Search, Facebook Advertising, MySpace MyAds and Goodreads self-serve advertising. All these allow for arbitrarily low budgets, so you can try them simultaneously and see which one works best. Websites like Bookslut, Bookgasm, and Publetariat offer banner advertising that mere mortals can afford, so you might want to try that too.

    Tip: There are plenty of coupons for Adwords and the like floating around, so you can try them with a rebate! See whether your website provider offers any; if so, you’d be a fool not to use them. At the time of this writing, Google even offers a $75 free trial to residents of the United States and Canada!

    Initially, your target should be to break even, not to make a profit; what you’re really after is to get ratings and reviews while improving your sales rank. Little drives potential customers away more than a title with no prior activity, which also keeps it buried at the bottom of search results. This is a vicious circle you must break as soon as possible. Given what is at stake, this is well worth spending a few hundred dollars, especially if you have already poured that much into your project.

    Speaking of reviews and such, the most effective way to obtain them is to organize giveaways. Of course many blogs and mailing lists might be happy to award your copies to their readers, although a more reliable way would be to leave that to the likes of Goodreads and LibraryThing. BookBuzzr Games also provides a program to give away copies as prizes.

  • Merchandise:

    This is an opportunity to expand your visibility both online and offline. Do you have a gorgeous book cover, logo, or palette of graphics? How about plastering these onto T-shirts and coffee mugs? CafePress allows you to do just that. Not only is it free and easy, it even opens a secondary revenue stream!

The possibilities are endless. There always remain inexpensive and efficient tribunes from which to market your book, so keep digging. Are you sure you didn’t miss a blog, forum, mailing list, reader or author organization, fan website, announcement thread, list of featured books, link directory, link reciprocity program, etc.? How about those that keep popping up all the time? How about those regarding connex topics? No search can be exhaustive, let alone a list, so never stop looking for more avenues, and use your imagination to create some where most people would see none.

Pricing to Fail: Case Studies in Dumb Pricing – Harvard Business Review Short Cuts, the Irrelevance of Cost Issues

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This post on ebook pricing follows yesterday’s post on the failed pricing approach behind Stephen King’s baseball novella. As you can doubtless tell, it’s excerpted from a forthcoming book on ebook pricing and related issues.

Of course I exaggerate when I use any form of the word "failure" in a discussion about even the weakest-selling titles among Stephen King’s books, but there are plenty of other authors and publishers for whom dumb pricing can condemn otherwise viable book projects to death-like sales doldrums.

In January 2010 we noted the launch of an initiative called "Harvard Business Review Short Cuts." An Amazon press release at the time said that "Short Cuts are individual chapters and summaries from Harvard Business Review Press publications that are broken down by the time it takes to read them (i.e. ’30 minute read’ or ’10 minute read’). They are specifically chosen to give business readers quick and informative business information and theory while they drink their morning coffee, wait for a meeting or travel for business."

Six months later, the initiative looks like a failure, despite heavy promotion by Amazon and the valuable imprimatur of the Harvard Business Review Press. Most of the titles are languishing far out the "long tail" in Kindle Store sales rankings, i.e., over 70,000 in most cases. Part of the problem, it seems likely, is that the "Short Cuts" series is overpriced, with a list price currently set at $3.99, discounted 20 percent by Amazon to $3.16. Even at $2.99, a reader wanting to work through all eight to 12 chapters of the full books from which these short-form ebooks are drawn would have to shell out roughly $25 to $35.

One would think that anyone with the wherewithal to be able to digest Harvard Business School materials with his morning coffee would also be capable of the number-crunching necessary to determine that the convenience of bite-size ebook chapters is more than offset by the high price. At $1.49 to $1.99 each, "Short Cuts" might well be a winning proposition.

Sometimes bad pricing decisions result directly from bad publishing decision. An old friend and organizing colleague told me with some excitement that he was approached by a publisher with a proposal to collect some of his essays, speeches, and blog posts on labor organizing in what became a nice little 96-page paperback and ebook. Had my friend (and even perhaps his publisher) come to me first, I would have counseled them that as a first-time author with little marketing budget and a 96-page book for a niche market, they would have done well to price the paperback at $9.95 and the Kindle edition at $2.99. I would have told them how they could have secured print and ebook packages with a truly professional appearance and feel with a total front-end expenditure of less than $100, and earned, at the prices just quoted, royalties of $2.05 for every Kindle edition sold, $2.13 for every paperback sold to bookstores and libraries, and $3.82 for every paperback sold at Amazon.com.

At these affordable prices, I would have been able to give the book a significant marketing boost via my Kindle Nation Daily blog, and my friend’s first experience as an author would have been a successful one. Instead, probably because he didn’t want to bother me, he made a bad deal with a publisher who made a bad deal with a printer and ebook publisher. Because of cost slices taken by intermediaries at each step of the way, they were stuck pricing the paperback at $12.95 and the ebook at $7.99. At those prices, the paperback and ebook are languishing far out the "long tail" in the Amazon and Kindle bookstores with sales, in a good week, of a copy or two a week. The unsustainability of the prices also makes it impossible for me to help: the author’s a great friend and I love him like a brother, but my Kindle Nation readers would laugh me out of the Kindlesphere if I recommended to them that they spend $7.99 on a 96-page ebook.

The lesson in that final case is a simple but essential one for everyone from the first-time self-published author to the Big Six publishing company executives responsible for property acquisition and the economics of pricing and cost: books of all kinds, but especially ebooks, must be priced based on the value proposition they present to their prospective buyers and readers. If you get forced into setting a high price because of your costs for editorial and creative, property acquisition and royalties, pre-press and publishing, or the slices taken by publishers, aggregators, distributors, wholesalers, or retailers, that high price is your problem, not the customer’s. Unless you have a truly hot property for which customers will pay above-market prices, the fact that you can "justify" your price based on costs is irrelevant. The book will not sell.

 

This is a reprint from Stephen Windwalker’s Kindle Nation Daily.

Hashtags Could Save Publishing

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This post, from Jenn Northington, originally appeared on Shelf Awareness on 7/14/10 and is reprinted here in its entirety with the permission of that site.

Twitter has been hyped (and over-hyped, some would argue) in the book industry for many things, one of which is to improve communication between booksellers, readers and publishers. But trying to track conversations on Twitter is like trying to find a specific needle in a giant stack of needles–unless you have a hashtag.

Hashtags, for the uninitiated, are a way for people to "tag" their tweets with an agreed-upon word or phrase that follows the # symbol, so that others who may not be online at the same time or part of the same discussion can search for them, see who is saying what and join in. And yesterday saw the birth (and then explosive expansion) of #dearpublisher.

Booksellers will often tweet general musings and requests in the form of tiny letters; for example, yesterday afternoon I wrote:

 

HarperPerennial observed that a tag would be helpful in tracking these kinds of tweets and offered #dearpublisher as a solution.

The tag was swiftly picked up by booksellers, publishers and readers alike, and within a few hours a search for #dearpublisher turned up hundreds of diverse requests and observations, ranging in tone from thoughtful to snarky (and often both).

Katrina Lantz: Combine ebooks with hardcovers, but please don’t stop printing books ever. The book is not dead. It just had babies.

Bloggers[heart]Books: I’ve seen a LOT of gorgeous covers this year. But why are people not allowed to have a head anymore?

Kevin Smokler: Will I be able to pay one price for both a paper book and a digital copy anytime soon?

Justina Ireland: People of color don’t all live in the ghetto or have abusive parents or wish they were white. Why can’t we be vampires?

BriMeetsBooks: I really dislike books with wheels for kids. They never stay on the shelves.

And publishers responded, such as PublicAffairs: PublicAffairs code of conduct: I swear we will never publish a stupid book, books about zombies or vampires, or chick lit.

If communication is key, then Twitter could bridge the oft-lamented gap between publishers, booksellers and readers with initiatives like #dearpublisher. While publishing houses will certainly get conflicting feedback and some tweets will be less helpful than others, trends can become clear. For example, Katrina Lantz and Justina Ireland’s tweets quoted above had become "Top Tweets" (meaning that many other users had Re-Tweeted, or seconded, them) by 10 p.m. last night. At the very least, publishers will get to know readers and booksellers in a way that hasn’t been possible before.

Other tags on reading and the book industry, some more (ahem) playful than others:

  • #askagent, in which agents field questions from writers and readers
     
  • #bookrageous, chronicling some of the outlandish things readers and booksellers are doing in honor of their favorite books
     
  • #bookstorebingo, which tracks some of the crazier things customers say to booksellers
     
  • #followreader, featuring weekly conversations exploring the evolution of publishing as an industry
     
  • #fridayreads, which encourages Twitter users to exchange notes about what they’re reading on a given Friday
     
  • #pantyworthy, the book version of throwing panties at your favorite band
     
  • #pubQT, in which publishing veterans Ron Hogan and Ed Nawotka answer questions and encourage conversation about the future of publishing.

 

A Christmas Gift

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On a cold December day in Baltimore, Maryland in the year two thousand nine, Jennifer was  at home in her bed.  Michael, her  devoted husband, was by her side. Jennifer has been gravely ill for the past few weeks suffering from metastatic breast cancer. She spent most of the  year in the hospital having chemotherapy treatments. The cancer had already  metastasized  beyond the breast. Just recently Michael had taken her home, since the doctors had done all they could.  December was a more difficult month for her. She was eating very little and had lost more weight. Her health  further deteriorated to the stage where she was totally bedridden. Suddenly, Jennifer opened her eyes and wheezed,"call the children!"
 
 
                                                                                                       
 
                                                                                                                     
 
 
Fifty Years Earlier
                                                                                                                       
 Jennifer and her parents, Mary and Robert,  had just finished a pleasant dinner together. Jennifer was on Christmas break from school where she was in the fourth grade. After dinner, she and her mom were going to May’s department store. Mary had to pick up a few gifts  in layaway. Jennifer wanted to buy her dad a Christmas gift, since Christmas was only two days away.  As they departed from the house, a light snow suddenly began to fall. Jennifer always liked this time of the year with the homes tastefully decorated with Christmas tree lights showing through the windows. The parking lot was nearly full when they  arrived at the department store. Mary fortunately found an open space at the far end.  The long, slow walk was extremely slippery due to the snow.
While in the store, they quickly went to the layaway department to pick up Mary’s gifts.
 
At the household department, Jennifer found a picture frame she really liked. She wanted a frame for a picture she had taken with her dad. However, since the checkout line was twenty deep, and it was getting late,  Mary told her she would pick the frame up in the morning.
After exiting the store, Mary cautiously drove  home  since the snow had rapidly intensified.
When they safely arrived home, Robert met them at the door and said, "thank God you’re home, I was concerned due to the snow."
After Jennifer gave her mom and dad a goodnight kiss, she  brushed her teeth and took a shower before bed.
Before falling asleep, she thought about all the precious moments she had spent with her loving mom. She was closer to her mom than dad but loved them equally.
 

The following morning, Christmas Eve, Mary prepared to go to the department store.  Before she left, she anxiously glanced out the bay window.  The snowy sky had given way to a beautiful sunrise. On the way to the store, Mary noticed several vehicles in roadside ditches.
 
Jennifer woke up to the sound of voices.  She quickly got dressed to find out what was happening.  When she reached  the bottom of the stairs, she clearly saw two men conversing with her dad.
One, a stubby, black-bearded man whom she immediately knew as their family minister.  The other, a tall rather thin man wearing a uniform that she didn’t recognize.  She slowly walked toward her dad. However, before she reached him, he told her to go back to her room, and he would talk to her shortly. Subsequently, the voices downstairs abruptly ceased.  When her father walked into her bedroom,  she noticed tears freely streaming down his cheeks.
He immediately sat down and gave her a comforting hug and a gentle kiss. He said, " your mother was coming home from the department store when a car lost control on the snow covered winding roadway and hit her car”.
"Your mother has passed on to be with God in heaven". His eyes were so sad while saying this. 
She quietly put her arms around her dad and started to cry.

Later Christmas Eve, Jennifer briefly glanced at the Christmas tree. She was uncertain if she could open her presents knowing that her mom was sadly missing. Her dad said,“your mother would have wanted you to open your presents”. With moist eyes, she reluctantly agreed. Suddenly, her mood partly changed to delight. She said," dad look what Santa brought me, I always wanted a diary!" Her dad went over and gave her a kiss and said, "your mother asked Santa for a diary."She knew you wanted one." After all the gifts were opened, she went to her bedroom immediately to start writing. Dear mom, I am writing to you in my diary Santa brought me. Santa also brought me a beautiful china doll, and I named her Mary. It was getting late so she finished writing in her diary. Merry Christmas and I really miss you, Love Jennifer. Her father laid down with her until she fell asleep,

Jennifer continued to write in her diary every Christmas Eve to her mom.
She would describe all the experiences she had throughout the year.
 
 
 
 
Michael summoned their loving children together with the family minister to express their final words of farewell.
Jennifer’s father had passed away two years earlier.
There was a certain amount of peace as they gathered around her bed to pray.
She was fading in and out of consciousness.
For the first time in months, she could embrace Cindy, her three year old granddaughter.
When in the hospital, Cindy had been extremely fearful of all the machines next to her Grandmother.
Cindy gently ascended onto her bed, and they shared one precious moment together before she fell back into unconsciousness.
 
Suddenly, Jennifer opened her eyes and her hands fervently reached upwards towards the corner of the room.
With a faint whisper, she said, " My mother is here, she looks so radiant."
The family thought she was probably hallucinating. However, Marie, Jennifer’s  ten year old granddaughter
said, "Grandma where is she? I can’t see her."  she said " you won’t be able to see her; she is here for me, not you."
Jennifer glanced over to her night stand and asked Michael to get her diary.
When he gave her the diary, she clutched her hands tightly around it.
Marie asked her mom, "What was that, that grandpa gave to grandma?" She told her it was her diary that Santa brought her  when she was ten years old.
She had written her entire life  in that diary.
 
 
 Marie said, " Mom will I get a diary for Christmas?"
Before she could answer, Jennifer began to speak. With her hands tightly clutched around her diary, she said," this is my Christmas gift to my mother."
Jennifer then closed her eyes and passed on. It was Christmas Eve.
 
 
 
 

A Christmas Gift

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On a cold December day in Baltimore, Maryland in the year two thousand nine, Jennifer was  at home in her bed.  Michael, her  devoted husband, was by her side. Jennifer has been gravely ill for the past few weeks suffering from metastatic breast cancer. She spent most of the  year in the hospital having chemotherapy treatments. The cancer had already  metastasized  beyond the breast. Just recently Michael had taken her home, since the doctors had done all they could.  December was a more difficult month for her. She was eating very little and had lost more weight. Her health  further deteriorated to the stage where she was totally bedridden. Suddenly, Jennifer opened her eyes and wheezed,"call the children!"
 
 
                                                                                                       
 
                                                                                                                     
 
 
Fifty Years Earlier
                                                                                                                       
 Jennifer and her parents, Mary and Robert,  had just finished a pleasant dinner together. Jennifer was on Christmas break from school where she was in the fourth grade. After dinner, she and her mom were going to May’s department store. Mary had to pick up a few gifts  in layaway. Jennifer wanted to buy her dad a Christmas gift, since Christmas was only two days away.  As they departed from the house, a light snow suddenly began to fall. Jennifer always liked this time of the year with the homes tastefully decorated with Christmas tree lights showing through the windows. The parking lot was nearly full when they  arrived at the department store. Mary fortunately found an open space at the far end.  The long, slow walk was extremely slippery due to the snow.
While in the store, they quickly went to the layaway department to pick up Mary’s gifts.
 
At the household department, Jennifer found a picture frame she really liked. She wanted a frame for a picture she had taken with her dad. However, since the checkout line was twenty deep, and it was getting late,  Mary told her she would pick the frame up in the morning.
After exiting the store, Mary cautiously drove  home  since the snow had rapidly intensified.
When they safely arrived home, Robert met them at the door and said, "thank God you’re home, I was concerned due to the snow."
After Jennifer gave her mom and dad a goodnight kiss, she  brushed her teeth and took a shower before bed.
Before falling asleep, she thought about all the precious moments she had spent with her loving mom. She was closer to her mom than dad but loved them equally.
 

The following morning, Christmas Eve, Mary prepared to go to the department store.  Before she left, she anxiously glanced out the bay window.  The snowy sky had given way to a beautiful sunrise. On the way to the store, Mary noticed several vehicles in roadside ditches.
 
Jennifer woke up to the sound of voices.  She quickly got dressed to find out what was happening.  When she reached  the bottom of the stairs, she clearly saw two men conversing with her dad.
One, a stubby, black-bearded man whom she immediately knew as their family minister.  The other, a tall rather thin man wearing a uniform that she didn’t recognize.  She slowly walked toward her dad. However, before she reached him, he told her to go back to her room, and he would talk to her shortly. Subsequently, the voices downstairs abruptly ceased.  When her father walked into her bedroom,  she noticed tears freely streaming down his cheeks.
He immediately sat down and gave her a comforting hug and a gentle kiss. He said, " your mother was coming home from the department store when a car lost control on the snow covered winding roadway and hit her car”.
"Your mother has passed on to be with God in heaven". His eyes were so sad while saying this. 
She quietly put her arms around her dad and started to cry.

Later Christmas Eve, Jennifer briefly glanced at the Christmas tree. She was uncertain if she could open her presents knowing that her mom was sadly missing. Her dad said,“your mother would have wanted you to open your presents”. With moist eyes, she reluctantly agreed. Suddenly, her mood partly changed to delight. She said," dad look what Santa brought me, I always wanted a diary!" Her dad went over and gave her a kiss and said, "your mother asked Santa for a diary."She knew you wanted one." After all the gifts were opened, she went to her bedroom immediately to start writing. Dear mom, I am writing to you in my diary Santa brought me. Santa also brought me a beautiful china doll, and I named her Mary. It was getting late so she finished writing in her diary. Merry Christmas and I really miss you, Love Jennifer. Her father laid down with her until she fell asleep,

Jennifer continued to write in her diary every Christmas Eve to her mom.
She would describe all the experiences she had throughout the year.
 
 
 
 
Michael summoned their loving children together with the family minister to express their final words of farewell.
Jennifer’s father had passed away two years earlier.
There was a certain amount of peace as they gathered around her bed to pray.
She was fading in and out of consciousness.
For the first time in months, she could embrace Cindy, her three year old granddaughter.
When in the hospital, Cindy had been extremely fearful of all the machines next to her Grandmother.
Cindy gently ascended onto her bed, and they shared one precious moment together before she fell back into unconsciousness.
 
Suddenly, Jennifer opened her eyes and her hands fervently reached upwards towards the corner of the room.
With a faint whisper, she said, " My mother is here, she looks so radiant."
The family thought she was probably hallucinating. However, Marie, Jennifer’s  ten year old granddaughter
said, "Grandma where is she? I can’t see her."  she said " you won’t be able to see her; she is here for me, not you."
Jennifer glanced over to her night stand and asked Michael to get her diary.
When he gave her the diary, she clutched her hands tightly around it.
Marie asked her mom, "What was that, that grandpa gave to grandma?" She told her it was her diary that Santa brought her  when she was ten years old.
She had written her entire life  in that diary.
 
 
 Marie said, " Mom will I get a diary for Christmas?"
Before she could answer, Jennifer began to speak. With her hands tightly clutched around her diary, she said," this is my Christmas gift to my mother."
Jennifer then closed her eyes and passed on. It was Christmas Eve.
 
 
 
 

 

The Author Background Check: Cautionary Notes

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This post, from Consulting Editor Alan Rinzler, originally appeared on his The Book Deal blog on 7/12/10.

WE WERE HUNKERED DOWN debating whether to make an offer on a self-help book written by a seemingly well-qualified psychologist.

Then one of our dogged marketing assistants dashed in, shouting “WAIT!”

She tossed us a bunch of comments she’d unearthed from an obscure online forum: jaw-dropping, scathing assessments from former patients about the author’s failures as a therapist.  Whoa. We took a big pause — and ultimately dropped the project.

Don’t let this happen to you!

Searching with a fine-toothed comb

A little-known aspect of making a book deal these days is how a publisher’s editors, marketing and sales people verify an author’s platform and reputation.  We search for anything that might compromise our investment of time, passion, energy and money. Privacy’s not what it used to be, as we all know.

If your proposal or manuscript has reached the point of serious consideration, expect careful behind-the-scenes scrutiny of everything you’ve presented about your life and work.

If this is your first book deal

Publishers like nothing better than discovering and signing up the next big thing, the unknown writer with a great first book that promises to lead to many more. Before taking such a risk, however, careful due diligence is now standard operating procedure.

Here are some of the sources publishers check routinely these days, before signing up a new author:

Read the rest of the post on Alan Rinzler’s The Book Deal blog.

Where Will Bookstores Be Five Years From Now?

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This post, from Mike Shatzkin, originally appeared on the Idea Logical Blog on 7/11/10.

Upton Sinclair famously said that “it is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.”

I keep putting facts about publishing’s commercial realities that I think most of the smart people running things accept together with forecasts for the future that I think most of the smart people running things accept and coming up with a view of where we’ll be sometime pretty soon that I find very few people will accept.

We have definitely passed what Michael Cader has dubbed “peak bookstores” in the US. Shelf space for books is probably dropping faster than the number of stores as book retailers look for other items to keep their customers more satisfied and give those items space previously devoted to books. And shelf space available for publishers who don’t own bookstores is dropping faster than that because Barnes & Noble, the leading provider of bookshelf display space, is aggressively sourcing their own product both to improve their margins and to develop proprietary product not available to their competitors.

The fate of bookstores is an existential question for today’s book publishers (not to mention today’s booksellers!) Although it isn’t often stated this starkly, the core value proposition for the biggest trade book publishers is that they can put books on shelves. All of the rest of what they do (and often do quite well) — selection, editing, development, packaging, and marketing — is fungible. And usually not scaleable.

A big publisher and an agent would add to this list the “banking” function: putting up the money in advance for the author to write the book. But I’d argue that is also fungible (there’s lots of money out there looking for investment opportunities) so the publisher’s opportunity to be that banker is also dependent on the publisher’s ability to put books on retail shelves.

Read the rest of the post on the Idea Logical Blog.

Weighing Up Traditional Publishing & Ebook Publishing

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This guest blog post, by Robert W. Walker, originally appeared on Buried Under Books on July 13, 2010. In it, Mr. Walker compares the traditional publishing model to the new ebook self-publishing models, and finds the traditional model wanting.

Robert W. Walker is a graduate of Chicago’s Wells High School, Northwestern University, and the NU’s Graduate Masters in English Education program.  Rob has taught writing in all its permutations (“All writing is creative writing but not all writing sings,” he says.) from composition and developmental to a study of the literary masters to creative and advanced creative writing.  His first novel was one only an arrogant youth could have conceived — a sequel to Huckleberry Finn (now published as Daniel & The Wrongway Railway, Royal Fireworks Press, NY), but his first suspense-techno-thriller-sf-mystery came in 1979, after college, a novel that won no awards entitled SUB-ZERO.

In any non-traditional publishing as in ebook publication, there is no such thing as “an advance against royalties”.  In Traditional Publishing as we know, now often termed DTB’s by our younger generations, ie. Dead Tree Books the “advance” has always been there. This is a significant difference. For the older generation, my generation, the first phrase that comes to mind for the author is “an advance against royalties” and what this means is the author gets a lump sum “loan payment” to start work on the process of crafting a book or novel. However, in ebook non-traditional publishing wherein everything is lower case, there are NO advances. In fact, in “non-publishing” as some like to call it, there are a lot of “NO’s” to the traditional model.

However, before we get too far afield, an advance against a royalty of a $100, 000 is a thing of beauty on the surface. No doubt about that. A writer can rejoice. However if it is for four books to be written over four years, that’s pretty much slave wages or $25,000 a year, which if one is independently wealthy makes for nice pen money. Not so with most people who are attempting to make a living (no joke) at writing.

To the midlist author who wins this arrangement or spin of the publishing wheel, 25,000 a year does not go far. It’s about minimum wage if that. Whereas in ebook publishing, there are NO advances and no paying back of that 25,000 a year either. On the one hand, your publisher grants you a “loan” to be paid back via your royalties (if royalties even occur); on the other hand, every cent of an advance must be paid back to the publisher via your royalties, and until that hundred thousand is worked off by your royalties (if at all) you see no additional funds from royalties. Should your sales be too low to return that advance to your publisher, you are both left with a bad business loan, and your name or reputation as a writer is mud thereafter.

The above is one area where traditional and non-traditional publishing go in very different directions. But there are far more differences for the writer as businessman as well. Below are some of the glaring differences other than no advances.

 

Read the rest of the post on Buried Under Books.

Zoe Who?

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In this Publisher’s Weekly Beyond Her Book blog post, Barbara Vey takes a closer look at Publetariat’s own Zoe Winters‘ new social marketing project.

I really enjoy social marketing and the whole idea of marketing books. Not only have I given workshops on it, I attend every one I can. There’s always something new to learn and lots of great ideas out there. The big thing to me is branding your name.  Once everyone knows who you are, they will be more likely to pick your book over another who’s author is completely unknown to them.

With that in mind,  I love it when people send me funny, interesting things.  This video came through email yesterday from Edie Ramer.

I thought it was clever and well done.  I’m sure it echoes the thoughts of some writers.

In her blog, author Zoe Winters writes:  So I was really vague the other day and gave NO information about what I was doing. Now I can fully unveil it because the first episode is up. These are going to be 2-3 minute short videos (the kind you could watch at work when you’re supposed to be working). Hopefully it’s short enough, and entertaining enough that people will share it with others. I’m looking for hopefully one or more of the videos in this series to go viral.

I’ll be poking fun at the publishing industry, me, romance, etc.

The only thing I would have liked to have seen in the video was the author’s name at the end and her website.  Of course, this way everyone is asking, “Zoe Who?”  But probably not for much longer.

So tell me, do you think this kind of marketing ploy will work?  Does it make you want to know more about Zoe?  Are you looking forward to her upcoming videos?  Do you wish you would have thought of it first?

Bottom Line: I’ve really got to rethink the superhero outfit for when I do my future Drive By Videos.™

 

 

Kindle Book Sales A Surprise

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The month of June has past with several of my books in the Kindle store on Amazon. I priced the download of my books very cheap. I’m an unknown author so my paperback books in the list of choices in the different genre is near the bottom of thousands of titles. I’ve searched Amazon for them myself, and by the time I went through a few hundred books, I was tired of looking so I know how buyers feel. Then there is the fact that $16.00 plus $4.00 postage is a lot of money to pay to take a chance on a paperback written by an unknown.

So I’ve tried Kindle. I was amazed at the wide variety of my books sold in June including one download of my western book, The Dark Wind Howls Over Mary. Still my best sellers are my Amish books. Now part of the Kindle buyers will know me as an author. If they liked what they read, they will find my books by searching for my name. They will watch for my latest books in the future and tell someone else about my books. Word of mouth has always been a great way for me to get buyers. Also in the back of each of my books is my bio with email address and a list of my other books.

In June, I didn’t have an easy experience with kindle downloading. I wanted to use PDF because that’s the format I downloaded my books to publish and save, but the system warned that PDF conversion didn’t format well. Amazon was working on that but couldn’t guarantee conversion with PDF yet. I found that out. The sentence structure was all out of whack. I don’t have Microsoft, but my Open Office should work just as well. I found the format that worked one time didn’t the next. I’ve went from PDF to rft, to hmtl to doc. I kept trying until I found a format that is fairly neat, I hope. Thank Goodness for the preview pages so I could check. Two years ago when I put the first book in my mystery series in kindle, I didn’t finish filling out the form. When someone in the mystery community asked when my books would be on Kindle, I finished the download only to hear about the odd sentence structure so I stopped the production and resubmitted that book. Next problem was the cover downloads. They are blurry. I was wondering why Amazon didn’t transfer the covers from my book page to Kindle. Checked the Kindle store and found my covers had been transferred.

What a difference a month makes. The last books I downloaded didn’t give me as much trouble. The different formats to download a book weren’t mentioned so I used PDF. Amazon has fixed their system to automatically help with conversion when needed before publishing. Hopefully, my next Kindle books are neater now. A discussion on Amazon mentioned the problems with the format downloading so now I feel better, knowing this wasn’t a ME thing.

Amazon’s 35% royalty wasn’t very much. By July 1st, a new royalty has been added with a choice of 35 or 70%. I stopped all my books and repriced them so that I get a descent royalty. The bottom price is $2.99. Now my books are back for sale. The Kindle download at $5.99 is still much cheaper than the price of my paperback books. With 70% royalty, I have to pay for the buyer’s download of the book according to the size. In my case that amounts to 2 – 6 cents.

Here is a review of Neighbor Watchers from Luv2read in Amazon kindle community discussion group I started titled New Amish Books On Kindle. She looked for my Amish books and found my mystery series book one Neighbor Watchers so she downloaded it, too.

She wrote I loved this book! The characters were so well written, it was easy to see it played out in my head as I read. Gracie was my great grandmother and Sam Elliot was the sheriff. Gracie & Melinda get into quite a few predicaments trying to "Help" solve the murder across the street. It kept me turning the page to find out what mischief these two adorable old ladies would get into next. I see more books in the series. I would definitely buy them.

Another time she wrote

I highly recommend this series to anyone who has ever known or had a nosy elderly neighbor that seemed to ALWAYS know what is going on in the neighborhood. This is a funny laugh out loud easy read. Neighbor Watchers is really unique as the time period is the turn of the century.

Of course, the thing I can’t do in the Amazon discussion groups is advertise that my books are cheaper in my online bookstore( http://www.booksbyfaybookstore.weebly.com ), on ebay or from me personally. Not everyone wants to read a book from a screen on Kindle. Since my books sold on Kindle in June, it looks like what buyers are looking for is a bargain. Next month I’ll update you about July sales after I’ve raised my prices. What I need is to get the word out to buyers of paperback books that I am the keeper of my book bargains and am glad to accommodate customers.

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

Upcoming E-publishing Revolution

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This just in: a new podcast and transcript from Copyright Clearance Center’s Beyond The Book site, which features a panel discussion for the Independent Book Publishers Association at their annual “Publishing University” program.

In this episode, featured guests Mark Coker of Smashwords, Jack Sallay of Vook and O Magazine Books Editor Sara Nelson explain the ongoing e-publishing revolution  with E-Magination: What’s Now & What’s Next in Ebooks.

The podcast and transcript (in pdf format) are available now.

Multiple Streams Of Income For Fiction Writers

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Most people understand that you can create multiple streams of income from non-fiction books, but I often get the question “What about fiction authors? How can they make money in different ways?”

Well, the categories for income streams are still the same, you just have to look at your skills differently. Here are some ideas for all you fiction authors out there.

Books – print, ebooks, audiobooks.
Ok, this is a given. You are writing and selling your fiction. Make sure your backlist is available in at least print and digital/ebook format. Remember, Kindle has switched to 70% royalty rate (with conditions) and fiction authors like JA Konrath are making lots of cash this way.
 
Products associated with fiction books.
I’m not sure this is a big revenue stream for many self-published authors but you can tie in your book to merchandise and sell it. I’m thinking JC Hutchins with his Beta Clone  T-shirts for 7th Son, or Mur Lafferty with Keepsie’s bar glasses. You could also look at Harry Potter or Twilight merchandise for an extreme example.
 
Clearly, there are other revenue streams if you sell the movie rights, foreign rights etc, but we’ll assume you haven’t hit the big time if you are reading this!
 
Then you need to think broader…
 
Online courses based on your genre and writing skills

 
Holly Lisle, Author-Entrepreneur –>
 
My favourite example of a fiction online author-entrepreneur is Holly Lisle. Holly has 32 published novels, but she also has a whole stack of brilliant courses, ebooks and other learning material for authors – check out the Holly Shop (affiliate link). There’s something for most writers, with ebooks on World Building, How to write page-turning scenes. How to write dialog with sub-text, Create a Plot clinic, Create a Culture clinic, all the way up to online courses “How to Think Sideways” and “How to Revise Your Novel” (which I am about to start  on). Basically, Holly has taken her experience from 32 novels and distilled it into a whole load of information products for authors/writers.
 
This is also my model with “Blogging for Authors and Writers” and the Author 2.0 Online Course. It is my preferred module as it is repetitive, passive income after the material is produced. I can tell you I make more money from those than I do from book sales every month!
 
Speaking/seminars/live events
There was a storm kicked up back in May over multi-award winning author Neil Gaiman making $45,000 for one speaking event. Good on him I say, as this is a great way to make money as a fiction or non-fiction author. Clearly, most of us cannot command that sort of fee but if you start doing events, you can earn $500-$1000 or more pretty easily through speaking fee, book sales or product sales (as above). You don’t need an agency, just a network or reach out to writer’s groups in your area as a starter.
 

 
<– Joanna Penn after speaking
 
I started speaking last year and it is going pretty well so far, with events at least monthly now. I speak on writing, digital publishing and marketing so could be done from fiction/non-fiction basis. Here are some tips on speaking, and a video on how I prepare for events.
 
NY Times bestselling author Scott Sigler and Seth Harwood also use this approach with their Author Bootcamps, teaching people how to podcast and market their books.
 
Consulting, editing, coaching
Your time is precious (and should probably be spent writing) but you could also branch out into coaching others, editing other people’s books or consulting with people on writing in your genre or publishing in general. Many people need a helping hand, and if you are an author they enjoy reading, you will probably find people will want to pay you for your time.

 

This is a reprint from Joanna Penn‘s The Creative Penn.

The Evolution from Synopsis to Telling to Showing

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“Show, don’t tell,” is an admonishment we hear all the time, but what does it really mean? I recently read a book that was 85% telling. It read like a giant synopsis. It made me think of those cute little old lady hamburger ads—Where’s the beef? For those experienced writers who read this, my apologies for something considered to be basic; however, I remember being told this old axiom and not being totally sure what it meant.

 
What I would like to do is provide three samples of a book’s evolutionary process to give an inkling of what showing vs telling may be about. I will present:

 

  • A brief synopsis or outline statement
     
  • A sample of what that looks like in a telling style
     
  • A sample of how it might be fleshed out with showing
Synopsis—
Ronnie and bomb sniffing beagles Heckle and Jeckle confirm an IED and a deadly booby trap.
 
Telling—
Ronnie Gallatin and her two bomb sniffing beagles arrived at the scene of a suspected IED. Police Chief James didn’t recognize Ronnie and questioned who she was and why she was there. Ronnie explained she had been at the hospital during the introductory meeting. Once that was all cleared up, Ronnie began working her dogs and quickly ascertained there were explosives present in the parked car. Fortunately, Jeckle also found a booby trapped grenade under a tire, thereby averting a horrendous disaster. Chief James was most appreciative of Ronnie and her dogs.
 
Showing—
Ronnie jumped out of the truck and ran around to the kennels in the rear of its bed. The young hunting dogs sensed the excitement in the air and began baying as loud as their small bodies would allow. Ronnie let each out and attached working leashes to their harnesses. At that, they both settled down and began straining ahead, anxious to begin work.
 
Ronnie saw James and immediately approached her.
 
“What have we got, Chief?”
 
“And you are?”
 
“Oops, sorry,” as she flashed her ID, “I’m INCIDA dog handler Ronnie Galletin. I’ve brought our explosive sniffing dogs to check out the vehicle before anyone attempts to touch it. If there is a bomb on board, they will detect it. If not, they will so indicate it.”
 
“And who sent you here?”
 
“The Sheriff has authorized our use within Leavenworth County, further supported by the KBI. I’m sorry I wasn’t at the meeting yesterday, or they would have introduced us.”
 
James thawed a little. The fact that Ronnie was a woman and acted professionally helped a lot. “OK, let’s see how they do.
 
Ronnie approached the junker car and held onto the dogs’ leashes. Once near the car, she commanded them to sit and stay to focus them. The female, Heckle, grew especially tense in anticipation of working and had to be soothed. Ronnie knelt between them and unsnapped their collars, giving the command to find. Both beagles trotted toward the car and immediately began to bugle as only beagles can.
 
“Good girl Heckle! Good boy, Jeckle! Come back to momma now.”
 
She snapped them back on, rewarded them by giving them their toys to nuzzle, and turned to Chief James. “IED for sure, Ma’am. Call out the bomb squad.”
 
As Ronnie began to turn to the right, Jeckle suddenly stiffened. He lunged against his lead toward the rear wheel of the car. “What’cha got there, boy?” Jeckle continued to pull, and now Heckle was too. Ronnie knelt down and stared under the car. Her neck hairs rose when she saw a hand grenade wedged against the front side of driver’s rear wheel. “Oh good God, Ma’am. There’s a grenade booby trap wedged under the rear wheel. Any movement of the car or an accidental kick will dislodge it, blowing and initializing the car bomb. Little Heckle definitely earned his kibble tonight.”
 
James couldn’t help herself. She knelt down beside Ronnie and hugged those little beagles to her breast. “Thank you; thank you; thank you; you cute little rabbit dogs. You saved some lives today!” She then stood up and pulled Ronnie up into an embrace. “I can’t thank you enough, Ms Gallatin!”
 
Ronnie hugged her back. “It’s just Ronnie, Ma’am. I’m just glad Jeckle caught it. That was a tragedy ready to happen.”
 
OK, so what’s different between the telling and showing? Dialog, action, emotions, back story, and a lot more detail. Showing takes the information in the telling and expands it into an interesting story with dramatic elements. Again, I know this is pretty basic, yet you’d be surprised how often I see problems in this area. Every now and then I get rushed or lazy in my own writing. When I read back over a section, I’ll realize I need to show more to make that section more interesting and real. Just remember to not get carried away with too much showing detail. Strive for just the right balance.

 

 

This is a reprint from Bob Spear’s Book Trends blog.

A Good Edit Would've Fixed That

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Once again, I’m judging for Writer’s Digest’s annual Self-Published Book Awards, and once again, the need for a good edit is crying out to me from the pages of most of the entries.

Mind you, I’m not talking about the occasional typo or missing space between words. Most of you would think those things are nits, just as likely to have been introduced in the typesetting phase as to have been overlooked in a prior editing pass, and I’d agree with you. No, I’m talking about a pervasive inattention to detail, improper usage or faulty constructions running throughout a given book’s pages. Has your work fallen victim to any of the following problems?

Repetitive Usage – Do you have certain pet expressions or turns of phrase? It’s fine to use them, but use them sparingly. In one of the books I’ve read this year, the phrase "that’s the point" (and its many variants, such as "that’s the whole point," "but the entire point of…", etc.) appears so frequently as to be distracting. Variations of the expression are spoken by every character in the book and turn up all too often: in one case, three times on a single page. On another page the phrase appears in two consecutive sentences, spoken by two different characters. Perhaps in that latter case, the author made a purposeful choice to be repetitive. If so, the desired effect isn’t apparent.

Convoluted Sentence Structure – If I have to re-read many of your sentences or passages repeatedly to comprehend their meaning, your work fails the clarity test. This seems to be a particular bugaboo of fantasy and science fiction books. Perhaps in trying to achieve a certain tone of scientific realism or mythology, the authors simply go overboard with stilted language. Using big words, lots of technical, philosophical or religious jargon, or many made-up words doesn’t automatically inject realism into your work. It’s far more likely to introduce confusion. Also, as a rule of thumb, if you find a sentence you’ve written has more than two sub-clauses or phrases offset by commas, you probably need to think about breaking it up into multiple, smaller sentences.

Losing the Thread of Tense – If your character is recalling or retelling something that happened in the past, the recollection or retelling should generally be given in past tense—and stay in past tense. Consider this (totally fabricated) example:

I will always remember that summer. We went out on the boat nearly every day, and wished we’d never have to go back home. That year, my goal was to catch the biggest bass so I go to town one afternoon, I buy new bait and stronger fishing line. I get out on the water the next morning, earlier than anyone else. I cast my line and wait.

The first two sentences are in past tense, which is fine. The third sentence begins in past tense (goal was to catch the biggest bass) but then switches to present tense (I go to town, I buy new bait) and tense remains in the present for the rest of the passage.

Switching tense correctly is particularly important when the narrative is intended to go back and forth between past and present tense, such as when a detective is investigating a cold case and has to interview a bunch of people about their memories of the events in question. When tense changes, is the interviewee still talking about his past experience, or sharing some new realization with the detective in the present day? Tense is what’s supposed to clue the reader in on this sort of thing, so if you’re switching tense incorrectly or unintentionally, you’re confusing the reader.

Using Internal Mologue for Omniscient Exposition – An internal monologue is nothing more than a character talking to him- or herself. We’ve all talked to ourselves at some point, we all know what it’s like and how we "sound" in our heads when we’re doing it.

We talk to ourselves to cogitate on things, refresh our memory of events, go over mental to-do lists and the like, but real-life internal monologues are not like journal entries. They do not provide a factual accounting of events, because the person experiencing the internal monologue already lived those events and knows what happened. They also cannot provide a factual accounting of events that were not witnessed personally by the individual having the internal monologue. Look at the following two examples—again, examples I’ve constructed just for this blog entry:

Mike couldn’t stop obsessing over the events of that night. Three a.m., and his mind was still spinning.

Garrett refused to stop drinking, and I knew I shouldn’t let him have his keys back, but I was afraid he’d shoot me if I didn’t hand them over. He was doing about eighty when he hit that curve, still swigging from a bottle of Jack. He never knew what hit him. The funeral’s tomorrow. I know what everyone there will be thinking, and they’ll be right. It was all my fault.

Guilty or not, Mike knew he’d be expected to make a showing at the memorial service.

Compare this example to:

Mike couldn’t stop obsessing over the events of that night. Three a.m., and his mind was still spinning.

What was I thinking?! I never should’ve given Garrett his keys, whether he was waving a gun in my face or not. Now he’s dead and it’s all my fault. How can I face everyone at the funeral tomorrow?

Guilty or not, Mike knew he’d be expected to make a showing at the memorial service.

In the first example, the author is using an internal monologue to present expository (factual or background) information from an omniscient point of view: the point of view of someone who knows, and can see, all that’s happening or has happened to anyone involved in the story or setting, and also knows what any character is thinking or has thought at any given time.

The first monologue relates factual information Mike has no reason to be re-stating in his own head. It also reports on events which occurred outside Mike’s presence; Mike might’ve learned how fast Garrett was going from a police report or news story, but how could he know Garrett was still swigging from a bottle when he hit the curve? And how could he know Garrett "never knew what hit him"?

The second monologue is more realistic. In it, Mike doesn’t report on events, he reconsiders his role in them. He expresses his feelings about the events, and fearfully anticipates what’s coming next. 

 

This blog post is getting pretty long, so I’ll wrap it up for today and report on some other common problems in a future post or posts.

Bottom line: if my allotment of books from the contest gives an accurate indication, about 19 out of 20 self-published books need a professional edit—and aren’t getting one. It’s a real shame when a self-publishing author gets the tough stuff right (believable dialogue, pacing, plot, characterization) but releases a book that’s still hopelessly marred by problems like those above—problems that could’ve been easily remedied by a good edit.

 

This is a cross-posting from April L. Hamilton‘s Indie Author Blog.